I need to find something that makes me feel alive again. I feel as if most of my life in the past few months, or possibly years, has not been moving toward anything of real meaning. My days just kind of go on to the next and the next, but I’m not finding any real joy in my life like I used to. I used to go to concerts, one of my favorite activities in my teens and twenties, and get super excited when one of my favorite bands graced the stage. Now I don’t even want to go to half the concerts that come to town because I’m mentally exhausted.

I keep trying to think of a hobby I can undertake, so I can get myself excited about life again. I want to set good goals, but sometimes I don’t even know what to go for. Somedays, I have it all together and I’m ready to tackle the world. Others, I can barely get myself out of my bed. Some might say I’m depressed. Maybe I am.

There are so many things I need to get myself to do that I haven’t done yet, like go through my storage and get rid of half of the things I own, but every time I think of doing it, I find myself running into this mental wall. I have one day off per week, and when it comes to that day, I don’t usually want to spend it doing cleanup. And I don’t want to quit my second job because I want to pay off my student loan and save money so maybe I can afford to own a home one day and vacation to all the places I read about.

I know I have a lot of excuses. I’m trying to work through them the best that I can right now. I’m trying to figure out the things that will help push me toward climbing that ladder to a better life. I need to figure out how to stay in that positive frame of mind on a consistent basis and string those small victories together. Beast mode!


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