I feel good today. I made myself workout this morning, even though getting up early was super hard, and I had time for a nice breakfast, which is always preferable. I also had an enjoyable weekend. I mean, how could you be upset when you get to spend some quality time with this guy? (BTW, that’s totally Descendants 3 in the background)
I like stringing together these good days and trying to roll with them. Sometimes I have a lot of good days in a row, and I start to worry that it means something will go wrong again, like I don’t deserve to be happy or something. I’m trying not to let my mind dwell on such thoughts, but it’s hard to completely break free of those mental patterns you’ve held all your life. It’s certainly not going to happen overnight.
I think it really comes down to self-love and self-trust. I have a hard time trusting other people, but I blame myself when I think things are going wrong more than I would anybody else, which is great for holding myself accountable, but not so great when I’m trying to be the best version of me.
At least on a day like this I’m able to reflect on those negative thoughts and understand the truth behind them: that they’re just dark thoughts, and I’m allowed to notice them without giving them power over me and my life. Now if I could just get this to work the same way on the bad days….