During a discussion a few days ago, it caught me a bit off guard when someone said to me, “That’s because you know your worth.” I didn’t really respond positively or negatively to it at the time, but I pondered it over throughout the rest of the weekend as I worked a 1,000 piece puzzle.
On one hand, I do feel some sense of self-worth. For instance, I don’t have any issues negotiating a raise or calling someone out on their bullshit. I won’t accept bad treatment, so I’ve done a good job in my life of steering clear of truly bad people. On the other hand, I struggle to feel like I’m good at anything, and most of all, I still struggle with feeling like I deserve happiness.
Maybe I’ve just let life beat me up a few too many times, but staying positive is very difficult inside this mind. I’m trying so hard to live out the mantra that I’m good enough, but sometimes the part of me that wants to keep reminding me of all the times I’ve fallen short or failed just takes over. I’m not sure that will ever go away completely. I’ve lived with it all my life, and all l I can do is keep fighting that inner battle, and keep reminding myself to stop building walls and start building bridges.
“In moments of crisis, the wise build bridges and the foolish build dams.”