I’ve mentioned previously that in my past, I was quite independent. I enjoyed being single, doing things on my own, and I didn’t worry as much about how things would end up for me, at least not the way I do now. I think having three failed relationships in the past 13 years, rocked me to my core a bit. I think I lost a bit of myself in those failures, and until recently, I didn’t know how to get back to the real me.

I’m sure getting older may have something to do with it too. The idea that you’re getting closer and closer to the end of your life, and you’re still not where you thought you would be at this point. Those pesky expectations again.

I’ve been thinking about my life recently, and the thing is, I don’t think I ever really had trouble with my self-worth until the past couple of years. I was already in a bad place after that second relationship ended, but when I took on that third before I was ready, and then it ended too, I think I let myself give in to my darkest thoughts.

I’ve always had some insecurities, for sure, mainly ones about my body. And I’m definitely hard on myself, a perfectionist, if you will. But life has slowly made me realize that nothing will ever be perfect, so I’ve started to accept my mistakes and failures as a part of life. I used to think of failures as something awful to be avoided, but now I’m trying to think of them as ways to learn important lessons, or maybe even as stepping stones to get to the next level or place I’m supposed to be. The whole, “would I be the same person without having gone through these trials” thing.

Pain sucks, but without it we don’t grow. We just need to learn to not allow it to take us over. We need to feel it, but then move through it because we know something great is waiting for us on the other side.

I’ve had a lot of things occur in the past week or so that have made me feel validated and regain my self-worth. I think taking an honest assessment of things has allowed me to gain some perspective on my life. I feel a little more ready to conquer my world today.