I’m not going to lie; it has been a tough couple of weeks. I’ve been trying to focus on the positives lately, but man has it been difficult. I made some mistakes, one of which was pretty out of character for me, and I’ve felt really ashamed of myself throughout this week. I could try to blame my faux pas on the fact that my family is moving across the country in a week or that I’m struggling at my day job or that I’m lonely and wish I had the support and intimacy provided by a partner on those days when I need someone to lean on, but I don’t want to make excuses. The fact is that I fucked up and I had to take accountability for it.
Fortunately, I get another chance to get my mind back in the right place without any too final repercussions. And fortunately, I do have a couple of friends who were here for me when I needed it and have continued to reach out to make sure I’m doing okay.
Anytime you open yourself up to people, you risk being hurt. Sometimes that hurt makes you feel like curling up into a ball and crying your eyes out until you can rock yourself to sleep. But sometimes letting people in can be a good thing. Sometimes you find the ones you can lean on; the ones who open up to you as well and end up becoming part of your support network. I’ve learned who some of those people are this week, so that feels good.
So I’m not going to let these past couple of weeks get me down. I’ve always been my own worst critic, but I’m going to continue focusing on the bright spots, like the people, the experiences, and the things I have done right. That’s all we can do in life.