I’m trying to hold it together right now, but I feel like I don’t have anyone. My family moved to Utah, the couple I spent most of my time with have broken up, so things are kind of awkward now, my day job is super stressful and overwhelming, and I don’t have anyone else to talk to or spend my time with regularly outside of work. I’m not even drinking right now!
I know I should be grateful for so many things I do have, and I am. I have not one, but two jobs that allow me to make a good living. I have my health. I’m smart. I’m fun. I’m a good person who would help anyone who wants it or needs it.
I keep trying to remind myself that once I get through all of this, I will be all the stronger for it, but that doesn’t always help when you’re in the present moment, when you’re wondering what it is you need to do to get past this slump.
I’ve been trying to keep myself distracted. For instance, I’ve finally started fixing up my apartment, trying to get it to a place where it looks like someone didn’t just move in last month. This has helped me some of the time, but it’s a temporary fix. At some point, I must sit down and listen to the thoughts that run through my head. I wrestle with knowing I’m an awesome person, but also not feeling good enough because for some reason some people can’t see it.
I know I shouldn’t base my feelings about myself on what other people think of me, but sometimes that’s easier said than done, especially when some of those people who don’t see it are people you really care about. Why am I willing to accept other people’s flaws, but I can’t seem to get the same in return?
But enough of this pity party. I have a nice, long 5-day weekend this weekend (4 days off from both jobs!), so I’m going to spend a lot of time going through my storage. It sounds strange, but I feel like culling through my stuff is just what I need. Discard the old and welcome the new; maybe somewhat of a metaphor for my life.